Failure | Bryan Clifton

From the Blog

May

How Do You Tell Your Story?

Posted by Bryan Clifton at 8:22 am

We all have a story to tell. The question is how we tell it.

Our self-image, personal drive, and attitude towards others center around the story we believe about ourselves. I’m convinced the majority of issues we face in our lives are a direct result of the stories we tell ourselves about the person in the mirror.

We either see our stories as an asset or a liability. Please forgive the accounting speak, but I believe this illustrates the point perfectly.

If we like the story we tell about ourselves, it is an asset. We are secure in all parts of our story. We realize that our achievements, mixed with our failures and short comings come together to mold our current situation. Our past experiences viewed collectively make us who we are today. No, things are not perfect, but overall we enjoy the story of our life.

If we do not like our story, it is a liability that needs to be covered up. We choose to keep our past hidden, afraid of what someone else would say about us if they knew the “real” person behind the mask. Instead of seeing past accomplishments, we focus on our previous mistakes. They take center stage. Since they are a focal point in our own life, we assume that is what others focus on when they see us. This idea could not be further from the truth. People see the person that you are now, not the person you used to be. There is no greater story than that of reconciliation and recovery.

Confidence and poise are direct results of a positive story. Uncertainty, jealousy, and fear consume the inner self of a life lived behind a mask.

What I have always loved about stories is they can be rewritten. Think of it a second draft. With a few internal changes to your attitude, you can turn a liability into an asset. That mistake you made in your 20′s could become a platform or bridge to connect to someone else. People are more forgiving than you expect.

If you help someone change the story they believe about themselves, you can change a life. We all remember the person that first believed in us and told us we could do more than we thought. It is time you believe in yourself the same way they did. They saw something in you that was special. Now is the time to see that in yourself. It starts by forgiving yourself of past mistakes and changing the story you tell about you.

Nov

Fear

Posted by Bryan Clifton at 10:31 am

Fear is what people experience when they dwell on the worst-case scenario, regardless of how likely that is to occur.

Fear can easily overtake your thought process and paralyze your ability to make clear decisions. Rather than seeing potential and opportunity, your mind creates situations just short of a world war that will be the outcome of your decision. Lets be real, rarely do worst case scenarios ever turn out as bad as you envision.

Comfort is the antonym of fear. We all want to be comfortable, but the level of comfort you enjoy directly correlates to the amount of fear you have conquered in the past. What is comfortable today might have scared you to death last year. You grow with each fear you overcome.

If left alone, fear can cloud your viewpoint causing you to choose something more harmful in the long run. That choice looks good now simply because it makes you comfortable, yet it will handicap your ability to succeed to your full potential later.

A good friend of mine, Bill Arnold, lays it out perfectly in his book Common Sense Success. He uses an acronym that clearly shows how we interpret fear: False Emotions Appear Real.

If you are afraid of something, learn about it. The more you know about the subject or situation the less you fear it.

Not knowing how a situation will work out does not mean you should not do it. Take chances and face your fears.

Don’t let the fear of the unknown postpone your plans indefinitely.

Apr

Dealing with Disappointment

Posted by Bryan Clifton at 9:18 am

Not everything will turn out as you want it too. Disappointment is part of life.

I spent hours planning, coordinating, and organizing an event that had remarkable potential. It seemed like everything was lining up for this to turn into a great success. This is where it stopped though, potential. It never formulated into action.

The event happened. It was a complete flop.

Growth can come out of this experience, but right now the knowledge to be obtained seems to be overtaken by the negative emotions inside me. I want to keep a positive attitude about it, but that is much easier said than done.

Entrenched in the bad experience was one sliver of hope that I am trying to hold on to. I got the opportunity to talk to a man about his walk with Christ for about 15 minutes. While this was not on my agenda for the day, maybe this connection with a former stranger could be the reason why the events unfolded like they did.

This is a topic where I have little insight. I am interested to hear, how do you deal with disappointments in your life?

Mar

Adversity Breeds Character

Posted by Bryan Clifton at 9:41 am

“Show me someone who has done something worthwhile, and I’ll show you someone who has overcome adversity.”

- Lou Holtz

You are judged and remembered by how you respond in your moments of adversity, exhaustion, or greatest trial. These are the moments when your “true self” should be shown.

Overcoming adversity is as much a part of life as eating or sleeping. However, how you deal with adversity tells more about you as a person than almost anything else you could do.

We expect to see the real you when you are facing an ethical dilemma, when you thought no one was looking, when a deadline is starring you straight in the face, when you are losing a competition, or when you are simply overwhelmed.

What a great opportunity to show who you really are and defy the norms. They expect you to crack or give in. Instead, use these moments as a way to show your “true self” by being honest and transparent.

Aug

Failure Résumé

Posted by Bryan Clifton at 8:52 am

As you look back on your life, what did you learn the most from, your failures or your successes?

Find the most recent copy of your résumé and open it. Take time and read through it. I have a question that might sound odd. Do you have any failures listed on it? I already know the answer and your response, “No I do not and why should I?”

We do not want to display our failures to others; especially those who we want to give us a job. Typically we only want other people to know about the times that we succeeded rather than the times we came up short. We do all that we can to keep from letting other people know about our biggest failures. For some reason we think that people would view us differently if they knew that we had failed.

Embracing that we all make mistakes is paramount. Everyone makes them, but the person who can learn from their mistakes gives them a competitive edge in this race called life. They are able to see what they should have done. They find ways to improve themselves as a result which opens more doors than their mistakes shut.

More often than not, our idea of “learning” from failure is storing it as far back in our mind as humanly possible. We do not want to think about it. That is completely understandable. No one wants to dwell on their mistakes. We want to remember the times we won, not the times we lost. However, you will learn more from the times you tried and failed than the times you succeeded.

I want to suggest two things for you to do that have helped me learn more from my mistakes than I would have otherwise. First, make a failure résumé. To put it simply, a failure résumé is the exact opposite of your normal résumé. It is a list of past events in which you failed.

In addition to the failures, I also want you to think of missed opportunities that you should have taken. Put them on the list as well. This list is simply for you. No one else will see it unless you want them to.

After you have created the list, go back and figure out why you failed. Be forewarned, getting this answer could be difficult to figure out. The conclusion will depend on you and the event itself. Do not be disheartened if you cannot find an answer quickly. Take as much time as you need. There is no rush.

My reasoning for the failure résumé is not for you to try and relive the past that you cannot change, but rather bring to your attention to how you have progressed as a person since those events took place. Look at how your life has been altered by those events. It will help you to be able to recognize where you messed up so that you can make a better decision when a similar opportunity comes your way.

We learn more from our failures than our successes. Why, because we remember and can go back to assess where we made the mistake. They tend to stick better in our mind. Then we can rerun the event and teach ourselves how we should have responded.

Come to terms with your failures so you can move forward as a better person. Learn from your mistakes and do not repeat them unless you want the same results.

If you haven’t failed, then you haven’t tried. I would rather try and fail than never try at all.